the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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