we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My vagina just recognized that song.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
