Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
