Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
