so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
