yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
