Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
