does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize