Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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