You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
