we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
