the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My ass is underappreciated
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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