non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
