i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
