Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
