i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
