I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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