How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
