Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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