Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
