she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
