worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
