they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
