Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
