My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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