My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
