he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
