That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
