I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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