Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
