Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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