I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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