Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize