i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
