I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
