no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Where is the hickey?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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