i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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