see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
