3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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