Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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