I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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