apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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