there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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