I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
