you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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