After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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