There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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