How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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