I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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