So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
