Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
