Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
