mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
