I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
