mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
