apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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