I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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