I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
