Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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