Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
