Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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