I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
