the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
