you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
