porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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