Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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