He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
