Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
