Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
