I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
