either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
